Sex. Seems like a simple thing, right. A simple word, just three letters. Easy to spell, easy to pronounce. So why is it that guys sometimes forget the basics, the ABC’s if you will, of sexual protocol? Here’s the top 10 Sex Bloopers that guys continue to make:
1 – Whining about being safe
Don’t complain about wearing a condom. If you are not concerned about being safe, then you’re not concerned about your partner. There are plenty of things about yourself that you can spread around but your sexual history shouldn’t be one of them.
2 – Fore-what?
We like foreplay. We like to give it and we like to receive it. Don’t skip over the pre-game show and expect fireworks when you score.
I’m a terrible lover. I’ve actually given a woman an anti-climax.
3 – Treading too lightly
While you don’t want to mimic construction equipment, you are not cradling eggs either. We are not so delicate that you have to proceed with extreme care. Just pay attention to our verbal and physical signals. We’ll let you know when to be gentle and when to get a little wild.
4 – Imitating a jack hammer
You are not doing heavy construction here, so vary the speed and build up rather than hitting it hard and fast and monotonous.
5 – Being a poor aim
Accuracy is crucial. Making sure that you end up in the spot that your partner has agreed to, is important. There is no room for ‘accidental slippage’ into an area of her body that she is not open to.
6 – Wet sloppy kisses need to stay in the kennel
Slow, sensual kisses are welcome, but if you start licking and drooling like Pavlov’s dog then you may end up in the dog house.
7 – Barking out orders like a drill sergeant
There is a place to give direction, but it’s not always in the bedroom. There is nothing wrong with encouraging your partner to do the things you like, but she shouldn’t feel as if she is being coached through an obstacle course.
8 – Developing ‘selective hearing’ when his partner is saying things like, ‘Don’t’ or ‘Ouch’
This indicates that you are selfish, rude, or possibly breaking some sort of law. Sometimes a woman just needs you to make a little adjustment in positions, or it could mean that she has a physical problem, or it means that she is not mentally in the game. Whatever the reason, you need to listen up and back down.
9 – Showering before a long day at work and not before a long night of passion
Women are very sensitive: to smell, to touch, to taste. If she is holding her nose rather than holding on to you, then something is wrong.
10 – Knowing that his partner doesn’t get off on porn but popping in a video anyhow
This one is easy. If it’s not turning her on, then turn it off!
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